Life After Love Read online

  Life After Love

  K. G. MacGregor

  Bella Books (2014)

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  Rating: ★★★★☆

  Tags: Romanc, Lesbian, Retail, Contemporary, Fiction

  Romancttt Lesbianttt Retailttt Contemporaryttt Fictionttt

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  Life is over for Allyn Teague, or so she thinks when her wife leaves Seattle for another woman. Facing unrelenting heartbreak, she learns to embrace it, oblivious to the toll her grief is taking on her body and spirit. Her only hope is for Melody to realize her mistake and come home. Bea Lawson notices Allyn’s decline because she too once suffered a shattering loss and struggled to put her sorrow to rest. While neither is yet the woman she wants to be, it soon becomes clear their lives are better together…their budding love is threatened by choices they never expected to face. Lambda Literary Award Winner – KG MacGregor

  www.BellaBooks.com

  When you shop at Bella, more of your dollars reach the women who write and produce the books you love. Thanks from all of the authors & staff at Bella!

  Synopsis

  Life is over for Allyn Teague, or so she thinks when her wife leaves Seattle for another woman. Facing unrelenting heartbreak, she learns to embrace it, oblivious to the toll her grief is taking on her body and spirit. Her only hope is for Melody to realize her mistake and come home.

  Bea Lawson notices Allyn’s decline because she too once suffered a shattering loss and struggled to put her sorrow to rest. While neither is yet the woman she wants to be, it soon becomes clear their lives are better together…until their budding love is threatened by choices they never expected to face.

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Synopsis

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Other Books by KG MacGregor

  Dedication

  About the Author

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Epilogue

  Bella Books

  Copyright © 2014 by KG MacGregor

  Bella Books, Inc.

  P.O. Box 10543

  Tallahassee, FL 32302

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, without permission in writing from the publisher.

  First Bella Books Edition 2014

  eBook released 2014

  Editor: Katherine V. Forrest

  Cover Designer: Judith Fellows

  ISBN: 978-1-59493-428-5

  PUBLISHER’S NOTE

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.

  Other Books By KG MacGregor

  Anyone But You

  Etched in Shadows

  The House on Sandstone

  Just This Once

  Malicious Pursuit

  Mulligan

  Out of Love

  Photographs of Claudia

  Playing with Fuego

  Rhapsody

  Sea Legs

  Secrets So Deep

  Sumter Point

  Undercover Tales

  West of Nowhere

  Worth Every Step

  Shaken Series

  Without Warning

  Aftershock

  Small Packages

  Mother Load

  Dedication

  It was 2004 in London, Ontario, when I first met Linda Hill, publisher of Bella Books. She spoke at a gathering of readers and writers, and fielded questions about why she published lesbian books. She called it the best job in the world, and described her philosophy of signing not just books, but authors she could introduce with confidence. She had a covenant with readers, a promise to deliver quality books featuring characters they would root for and want as friends. I knew then I wanted to write for Bella.

  A few months later at a conference in New Orleans, I wedged myself next to her at a table filled with other Bella authors, and I made my case. At that time, I had self-published four books, but they were languishing from lack of distribution. I put them in Linda’s hands and boasted of several others in various stages of development, pleading with her to bring me aboard. The next few months were anxious as I awaited word, but my efforts paid off in 2005 when Bella published Just This Once . That yellow emblem on the spine next to my name filled me with pride.

  Over the next nine years, we partnered for nineteen more books. With access to Bella’s sterling editors and meticulous proofreaders, I grew as a writer, collecting awards and accolades I’m honored to share. I never imagined such a successful career, nor that my books would be sold in bookstores all over the world.

  I humbly dedicate this book, my twentieth, to the staff of Bella Books—the real-life women who polish my work, design the covers, set the type, answer the phones, pack the boxes and bring my books to readers. Let’s do twenty more.

  About the Author

  A former teacher and market research consultant, KG MacGregor holds a PhD in journalism from UNC-Chapel Hill. Infatuation with Xena: Warrior Princess fan fiction prompted her to try her own hand at storytelling in 2002. In 2005, she signed with Bella Books, which published the Golden Crown finalist Just This Once . Her sixth Bella novel, Out of Love , won the Lambda Literary Award for Women’s Romance and the Golden Crown Award in Lesbian Romance. She picked up Goldies also for Without Warning , Worth Every Step and Photographs of Claudia (Contemporary Romance), along with Secrets So Deep and Playing with Fuego (Romantic Suspense).

  Other honors include the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Royal Academy of Bards, the Alice B. Readers Appreciation Medal, and several Readers Choice Awards.

  An avid supporter of queer literature, KG currently serves on the Board of Trustees for the Lambda Literary Foundation. She divides her time between Palm Springs and her native North Carolina mountains.

  Visit her on the web at www.kgmacgregor.com.

  Chapter One

  “UPS Ground gets this to Denver by Wednesday, Edgar.” Bea Lawson slapped the last ribbon of packing tape to the oversized package and counted out the elderly man’s change for a fifty-dollar bill. “Thanks a lot for stopping in.”

  She appreciated customers like Edgar who spent their dollars locally instead of online. It was great for her business, Pak & Ship, the postal services franchise she’d opened six years ago in Ballard, one of Seattle’s most eclectic neighborhoods. Now coming off her busiest holiday season yet, she felt great about her investment of cash and sweat equity.

  Bea enjoyed her work. There was just enough physical labor to guarantee a good workout every day, and the record-keeping provided a constant intellectual challenge. She also enjoyed the interaction with customers—most of them, anyway—plus she could bring her rescue dog Dexter, a pit bull-
Labrador mix, to the shop. Best of all, she owned her franchise outright, having paid off the last of her small business loan four months ago.

  With the holiday season behind them, her assistant manager and oldest friend, Kit Hurlocke, was coming in at eleven instead of eight thirty like Bea, but she too worked six days a week. They needed another employee, someone who would stick. Her two most recent hires had lasted only a few weeks before sliding into sloppy habits that forced Bea to let them go.

  Kit was due any minute and would take over the counter, giving Bea a chance to catch up on paperwork and take Dexter for a walk. She was preparing her bank deposit when a familiar face arrived.

  Allyn Teague shook her straight blond hair from her knit cap and pulled off her gloves so she could wriggle the key into her mailbox. Allyn worked from home but used Pak & Ship as her business address, as did many home-based workers who wanted someone around to sign for packages. She stopped in three or four times a week to pick up her mail.

  “Looks cold out there,” Bea said.

  “Already feels like snow. They say we’re in for seven inches between now and Sunday.”

  Dexter came trotting out of the back office at the sound of Allyn’s voice, his tail thumping loudly against a stack of cardboard boxes. Sixty pounds of solid muscle, he was mostly chocolate brown with patches of white on his chest, legs and face. His amber eyes remained riveted to Allyn because she usually brought him a treat.

  “He’s been asleep under my desk all morning, but he hopped up the second he heard you. I’d say you’re his favorite customer.”

  “He’s my favorite dog.” Allyn was tall and a few pounds on the heavy side, but it was the color of her eyes that made her stand out—turquoise so bright Bea had mistaken them for contact lenses until Allyn assured her they were her very own.

  She’d gotten a peek at Allyn’s driver’s license when she rented the box several years ago and knew she was three years younger, turning thirty-two in July. She also knew she was married to Melody Rankin, and sometimes got mail addressed to Allyn Rankin-Teague. They lived nearby in Redwood Heights, a newly built cluster of faux Victorian homes on lots the size of postage stamps.

  Allyn allowed Dexter to lick the treat from her outstretched hand. “Most days his is the happiest face I see.”

  “I’m going to take him for a walk as soon as Kit gets here. Want to come along?” Though they were only acquaintances, Allyn was the kind of person Bea liked having around. She was always cheerful and quick to flash a friendly smile, even when she had to wait in line longer than usual for service.

  “Wish I could, but Fridays are my busiest day. I still have a half-dozen calls to make before close of business, and I always try to have dinner ready by the time Melody gets home.”

  Melody sometimes came into the shop with Allyn on Saturdays, but rarely on her own. She was pear-shaped—large hips with a thin torso—with wavy brown hair cut above her collar, and even taller than Allyn, though her round shoulders suggested she’d spent years trying to disguise her height. Always businesslike, sometimes impatient.

  Bea had reached out several times, inviting them to basketball games, parties or Pride events. Allyn always promised to run it by Melody but they never followed up. Some people were just homebodies, Bea thought.

  “I’ll see you Monday, Dexxie. Be a good boy.”

  “Hey, a bunch of us are going to the Huskies game tomorrow night. They’re playing Stanford.” She was getting a blank look. “Women’s basketball. It starts at seven if you’re interested.”

  “Oh, thanks. I’ll see if Melody’s up for it.”

  In other words, no.

  Kit sidled up behind Bea as Allyn walked out. “I sure hope I’m around when that woman realizes you’re flirting with her.”

  “Geez! You scared the crap out of me. And I wasn’t flirting with her.”

  “Whatever you say.” Kit was, in the words of her bulging bicep tattoo, a Big Ol’ Dyke, sixty-one years old with a silver crew cut and a face weathered by years of tromping through the elements to deliver the US Mail. She wore a set of rainbow triangles around her neck like dog tags, and had more friends than a kid with a bag of Skittles.

  Bea straightened the collar on Kit’s polo shirt, dark green just like hers with a Pak & Ship logo on the chest. “Come on, I was just being friendly. Besides, she’s married, and you know I’m not the kind to mess with that.”

  “All I know is your face lights up like a kid at Christmas whenever she walks in.”

  “Maybe you’re just comparing it to the look on my face when you walk in. I tend to smile at most other people.”

  Kit sneered. “Watch it. I was once a postal worker, you know.”

  Bea clipped Dexter’s leash in place. “She’s threatening us, boy. We’d better get out of here now.”

  *

  With shaking hands, Allyn set the carving knife on the block and took a step back. “If this is your idea of a joke or something, it’s not funny.”

  “It isn’t a joke.” Melody looked at her grimly across the granite-topped island in their designer kitchen. Most days she went straight to their bedroom to change into sweatpants and a T-shirt, but not today. She’d retreated to the bedroom but emerged still wearing the thick gold scarf over her pantsuit as if ready to walk back out the door at any moment. “I’m so sorry, Allyn. I don’t know what else to say.”

  “Sorry?” Allyn had felt an undercurrent of tension for several weeks but chalked it up to stress at work. Never once had she imagined Melody would walk through the door and announce she was leaving. That couldn’t happen. They were married. Everyone they knew held them out as the perfect couple.

  Melody overreacted to everything. That’s all this was. Anyone would feel like running away after laboring the way she had over a critical grant application. She’d been chained to her desk upstairs every night for the last seven months, on top of having to travel back and forth to Tucson. “You just need a break, sweetheart. It’s not fair how they’ve piled all this work on you, but once you get it finished, you’ll have your life back. We’ll have our life back.”

  “I don’t want it back, Allyn. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Everything has fallen out from under me this year. It’s nothing you’ve done, I swear. I’ve changed.”

  Allyn couldn’t comprehend her stony-faced expression, much less her bizarre declaration. “What do you mean you’ve changed? We love each other. That’s all that matters.”

  “I still love you. I swear. But the way I feel about everything is different. I’ve been trying for weeks to figure out what to do about it, and the only solution is for me to leave.”

  Panic and confusion knotted the muscles in her abdomen. This was the woman she loved with all her heart. The only woman she’d ever loved. The woman she expected to grow old with. “You want to leave your job? Fine, I don’t blame you. You want to leave Seattle? That’s fine too. We can sell the house and move to Peoria if you want. But you don’t get to leave me. Whatever this is, we’ll work it out together. That’s what being married means. I’m always going to be there for you, and I go where you go.”

  “You know I love you. That’ll be true until the day I die.”

  Allyn drew in a deep, shaky breath and still couldn’t get enough air.

  “I’m so sorry. None of this is your fault, Allyn. I just…” Her voice trailed off as she turned away.

  “All this time I’ve been asking if something was bothering you. You kept saying no, it was just work. I knew it was more than that. Why are you throwing all this at me now? You should have been talking to me.”

  “I wanted to but I didn’t know how. I knew you’d want answers and I don’t have them. All I can tell you is nothing feels right anymore.” Melody drifted into the living room where she perched on the arm of the couch and folded her arms, halfway between settling in for a talk and dashing out of the room.

  It was surreal to watch her lick her fingers and rub at a scuff on her ankle boot. Did
she seriously think her fucking boot was important at a time like this? Of course not. This was her typical behavior when she wanted to avoid conflict. Ignore. Deflect. Downplay.

  “I turned in my notice at the provost’s office two weeks ago. Today was my last day.”

  “And you’re only telling me this now? ” Hearing herself shriek, Allyn closed her eyes and mentally counted to five. Melody always shut down when confronted. If she wanted answers, it was crucial to remain calm. “Never mind, that doesn’t matter. My business is going pretty well. We’ve got some savings. We can always move into something smaller and rent out the house for a couple of years. You want to go back to school or something? Fine, whatever you need. Life’s too short for you to be miserable at work every day.”

  Melody hissed as she inhaled through gritted teeth, a gesture Allyn recognized as a sign she was feeling boxed in and would disengage completely if the conversation persisted. “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said.”

  “I heard every word. I’m just having a hard time believing you’re ready to throw your whole life away. Where is this even coming from? You’ve been out of it ever since you started on this grant. That’s been what?” She counted on her fingers back to July. “Six months? Seven? And it hasn’t been easy. In case you didn’t notice, I took care of everything around here…and I stayed out of your way so you could finish. Then out of the blue you tell me you’re not happy anymore and now you want to take your life in another direction .” Despite her intention to stay calm, her last words came out heavy with sarcasm.

  Melody began pacing the rug in their family room in small, deliberate steps as though trying not to step on the lines in the pattern. Only when her back was turned did she finally answer. “We turned in the grant application last October.”