Life After Love Read online

  “Then what…” A wave of incredulity ripped through her as she realized Melody had been pretending to work for the last three months. “What the hell is going on with you?”

  “What’s going on is I met somebody!” she barked, spinning around to face her. “A woman who lives in Tucson. We fell in love, and I’m leaving because I got a job in the provost’s office at the University of Arizona. So there. Now you know all there is to know. Are you happy? I didn’t want to tell you because I knew how much it would hurt.”

  “Oh, my God.” With that, all the pieces suddenly fell into place, forming the ugliest picture Allyn could have imagined. “What an idiot I’ve been! All those nights I felt sorry for you having to work so late at your desk. You were up there pouring your heart out to some other woman. ‘Poor, poor Melody! They’re even making her travel on the weekends now.’ You disgust me!”

  Melody’s bright red face was proof the accusations were hitting their mark. “This wasn’t something I planned, Allyn.”

  “The hell you didn’t! How does somebody have an affair without planning it? How do they quit their job and get another one without planning it? It looks to me like you planned it all the way down to the last detail.”

  “That’s not what I meant. I’m just saying it happened all of a sudden. I wasn’t looking for it. Honest. But then I couldn’t get back to where we were no matter what I did.”

  “It happened? Now you’re making it sound like you’re the innocent victim here. Just last summer we were talking about having a baby.”

  “I guess that scared me more than I realized. That’s about when it all started.”

  Allyn clenched her fists, fighting a rage that made her want to hurl the nearest ceramic vase into the fireplace—or at Melody’s head. “Don’t you dare try to rationalize any of this. I’m your wife , goddamn it. If you have doubts about something, you’re supposed to work through them with me, not another woman. I can’t believe you just strung me along till you got all your little pieces in place, and all this time you knew you were leaving. If I hadn’t dragged it out of you, you’d have walked out of here without telling me a thing and left me wondering for the rest of my life what I’d done wrong.”

  Melody shook her head vehemently, but she wouldn’t meet Allyn’s eye. “It wasn’t like that. I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. I’ve been trying all this time to get those feelings back, but I couldn’t.”

  “And how did you try? Did you talk to me about it? Did you turn off your fucking computer and come downstairs to spend time with me? What about when you were off on your romantic weekends? Did it ever cross your mind to take me somewhere instead? No, you didn’t think about anyone but yourself. And now you expect me to be understanding because this just happened to you?”

  “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.” Melody stormed past her to the master bedroom, the heels of her boots pounding the wooden floor like hammers.

  Several seconds passed before Allyn followed to find her retrieving a bulging suitcase from underneath the bed. “Fucking hell! You fucking came in here and packed while I was cooking your dinner.” She almost never swore but adrenaline had taken over.

  “I was honestly hoping we might be able to talk like mature adults and I wouldn’t need to go tonight, but I should have known you couldn’t do that. You’re too emotional. I’m afraid if I stay here much longer, we’ll both end up saying hurtful things we can’t take back. It’s best if I go stay with Jillian and Tiffany till you calm down.”

  “Calm down? Seriously? You just dumped a world of shit on me and now you think I should calm down?”

  Again Melody’s face burned bright. This whole confrontation had obviously been staged to end without any sort of negotiation, including her escape to Jillian and Tiffany’s. She’d made her decision already, and apparently expected Allyn to accept it.

  Allyn’s mind raced frantically. This couldn’t be happening. “We’re legally married, for God’s sake. You made a commitment to be with me forever and I’m going to fight for you. You do not get to just leave.”

  “Would you really want me to stay if you knew I wasn’t happy?” Despite her flustered look, Melody showed no signs of giving in. Her forehead was wrenched in a steely frown. “We were different people when we got married, Allyn. People change a lot in eleven years.”

  That was bullshit. It was only two years ago they’d gotten married in the eyes of the law. Why would Melody have gone through with that if she’d harbored doubts about their future?

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Allyn. But I can’t just manufacture feelings that aren’t there anymore.”

  The nightmare was getting worse with every callous word out of her mouth. Allyn couldn’t let this happen, couldn’t give up, couldn’t lose the one person she loved more than life. She had to get control of herself and talk Melody out of leaving. “I can’t let you throw away our life. What do you want from me? You want me to calm down? You want me to sit quietly and keep my mouth shut so we can talk it out? Fine, I can do that. Just tell me whatever it is I need to do to fix this.”

  Melody sighed and slumped on the edge of the bed, intent again on staring only at her boots. Her dark brown pinstriped pantsuit was the nicest she owned, and she’d probably worn it today because her co-workers had thrown a going-away party for her.

  “I hate it when you quit listening. You get fixated on what you want and you tune out everything else that doesn’t fit. There’s nothing for you to fix. I didn’t decide all this today. It’s been coming for a long time. Talking about it isn’t going to help.”

  “You mean it isn’t going to help you . You’re walking out of here with all the answers and leaving me to wonder what the fuck happened.”

  “What more could you possibly want to know?”

  “Everything, starting with who she is.”

  Again Melody shook her head. “You don’t need to know her name. I know how you are. You’ll go online and download every little piece of data you can find. That’s what you do with everybody. Her life isn’t any of your business.”

  “That happens to be my job, and you know damn good and well I don’t do it with everyone.” Her business, which she ran out of their home, was recruiting top-level employees for the tech security industry. That gave her access to dozens of databases from which she could produce a work history for almost anyone in the country with only a few keystrokes. The only time she’d ever used her work skills for personal reasons was to check out a woman their friend was dating—and she realized with fury she’d done that at Melody’s request. Now Melody had the nerve to throw it back in her face.

  “All I’m going to tell you is she’s a grant writer like me. She posted something in a forum and I thought she sounded really smart, so I messaged her with a couple of questions. That was last July.”

  Had this really been going on under her nose that long? She searched her memories for the last time they’d made love. At least a couple of months ago, before Thanksgiving.

  “After that we started emailing back and forth. It was all professional. Then we had a chance to meet in September when we were both in DC.”

  Allyn’s anger at Melody’s feigned innocence gave way to a palpable hurt. The weekend trips to Tucson had started soon after that, and though she dreaded the answer, she forced herself to ask, “Is that when you slept with her?”

  The silence was louder than if Melody had screamed her reply.

  “How could you do that? Didn’t you tell her you already had a wife? Does she even know I exist?”

  “She does.”

  Of course, and they probably laughed at her for stupidly cooking all of Melody’s meals and doing her laundry while they screwed around behind her back. Melody deserved to be tossed out of the house with everything she owned, but Allyn couldn’t bear the thought of losing her. “You took vows with me. You made promises to be with me forever—only me.”

  Melody was both stubborn and proud. Also slow t
o admit when she was wrong. For all Allyn knew, she was leaving because she knew she’d screwed up and couldn’t bring herself to ask for forgiveness.

  That was it. Allyn had to forgive her right now…convince her they could put it behind them, no matter how difficult it would be. All of this might even blow over in a few days—as soon as the consequences kicked in and Melody realized how serious it was.

  “I forgive you, Melody. For everything. You don’t need to leave. Not tonight. Not ever. If you don’t want to talk about it anymore right now, we don’t have to say another word. Just like it never happened. I’ll stay out of your way for as long as you need. I’ll even sleep in the guest room upstairs so you won’t feel any pressure.”

  Time would heal this.

  Melody stood and gave her a patronizing pat on the shoulder. “I don’t mind talking as long as you’re not flying off the handle. We’re both smart…rational. Let’s go sit down and have dinner. After this long we ought to be able to have a conversation without fighting. I care about your feelings, Allyn. The last thing I want is to see you hurt more than you have to be.”

  More than she had to be. Why did Melody think it was necessary to hurt her at all?

  Allyn mindlessly went through the motions of putting dinner on the table, but didn’t set a place for herself. As calmly as she could manage, she said, “I’m too upset to eat right now, but I’ll sit with you because I want to hear how this happened.”

  “So I’m supposed to eat by myself while you sit there and stare at me? What’s the point of that?” Melody instantly switched from conciliatory to combative. “I’m trying to do what you want and answer your questions, but you don’t really want to talk. All you care about is making me feel guilty. Dinner’s just a big charade.”

  “No, acting like nothing’s wrong would be a charade. Lying to me about how hard you were working on that grant and why you were going to Tucson was a charade. Sleeping in our bed and letting me feel like your wife was a charade.” With every sin she ticked off, her pride and sense of righteousness swelled, and she rebelled against the notion of remaining calm for Melody’s sake. “But the biggest charade of all is you pretending to care how I feel. It’s clear you don’t give a fat fuck about anyone but yourself.”

  “I knew you couldn’t be mature about this.” Melody slammed her linen napkin on the table. “I should have packed everything while you weren’t here and left you a note. The only reason I didn’t is because you never leave the goddamn house.”

  “Right, since I work ten hours a day and still find time to be your personal maid. When was the last time you lifted a finger around here to help with anything?”

  Melody lunged for her suitcase but Allyn grabbed it first and shoved it toward the door.

  “Thanks a lot, Allyn. At least now I don’t have to question whether or not I’m doing the right thing.”

  “Yeah, well…don’t give it another thought. Now get the hell out of here.”

  Allyn slammed the kitchen door so hard behind her that it rattled dishes in the cabinets. Burning with fury, she watched through the window as Melody whipped out of the garage in her Honda Accord, barely missing a parked car before she peeled down the street.

  It was only when the taillights disappeared that the enormity of Melody’s betrayal hit her, and she began to cry from anger, humiliation and heartbreak. She had no idea what to do next.

  Chapter Two

  “Defense! Defense! Defense!”

  Bea rose to her feet and joined the chant, despite her doubts the Washington Huskies could stop Stanford, the top-ranked women’s basketball team in the country. Year after year, Tara Vanderveer reloaded the Cardinal with All-Americans who made the rest of the Pac-12 look like high schoolers.

  To the crowd’s delight, the Huskies stole a pass and ran the court for a breakaway layup, but it was too little too late. The clock ran out on a double-digit loss.

  “I can’t wait to see how much it snowed while we were in here,” Kit said as she helped Bea into her down jacket.“Bring on the crazy drivers.”

  “Snow’s good for business,” she answered. Her shop would get extra foot traffic the next few days from people who didn’t want to chance driving to the post office on slippery roads.

  “I suppose you’ll expect me to risk life and limb to come to work tomorrow.”

  “You know how busy Mondays are. Besides, they should have most of the streets plowed by then.”

  “I guess that means yes.” Kit looked over her shoulder and lowered her voice. “I saw you and that programmer from Redmond talking. Did you get her number?”

  “I got her email address.” The fact that Debbie D’Angelo had spent a good part of the evening goofing around with a gaming app made it unlikely Bea would follow up, though she had nothing per se against gamers. What she had was a problem with gamers who couldn’t stop playing while other people were talking to them, or seemed not to realize there was a basketball game going on.

  “And? Are you going to ask her out?”

  “I doubt it. She’s a little on the young side.”

  “Aw, she’s not that much younger than you. Besides, you’re still cute.” She ruffled Bea’s hair. “You’ve got that Black Irish thing going. Who’s going to resist those big green eyes?”

  Bea swatted her hand away. “I doubt Debbie even noticed. She was too busy zapping space aliens or something. That’s what I mean by too young.”

  “It doesn’t matter who it is, you always find something wrong. Too young, too old. Too silly, too serious. Some people might get the idea you aren’t interested in dating anybody.”

  “Maybe I’m not.” Bea knotted her scarf as they stepped outside into three inches of fresh snow on top of the five they’d already gotten. Kit knew her as well as anyone, and it was clear she was trying to push buttons. “You have to admit you envy me every time Marta’s dad comes to visit. In fact, I distinctly remember you offering to sleep in Dexter’s bed if I’d let you hide out at my house.”

  “Yeah, but that’s only two weeks a year. The other fifty are heaven on earth.”

  “I’ll remind you of that next time you complain about your wife not letting you play softball anymore.”

  Kit snorted. “She’s saving me from myself. And I’m doing the same for her by not letting her sit on the condo board. She’d kill somebody. Relationships are all about compromising and taking care of each other.”

  Bea knew all about how relationships worked. She’d been lucky enough to have one that was damn near perfect, but now she had neither the time nor emotional energy to build another. Dating was fine, and she’d finally given herself permission to enjoy a little casual sex if the chemistry was right, as long as there were no expectations about everlasting love. One-nighters were all she needed, if that. Once it became clear the relationship wasn’t going anywhere—which always seemed to happen right away—she saw no reason to drag out the inevitable, saving everyone a lot of grief. As far as she was concerned, her life was on track. She had a profitable business, a home of her own and the best dog in the world.

  They reached the parking lot to find most of the vehicles indistinguishable from the others, each a giant blob of snow. Kit’s red four-wheel-drive pickup stood out in a row of small sedans.

  “What about Marta’s friend, the French teacher?” Kit asked. “She liked you a lot.”

  “She was nice, but geez. Twenty-six years older than me and ready to retire. You guys must think I’m desperate.”

  “You just got finished saying Debbie was too young. Age is a state of mind.”

  “So why don’t you fix them up with each other? No one ever believes me when I say this, but I’m in a good place right now. I like my life just the way it is.”

  Kit went silent as she inched her way past a stream of pedestrians to the exit, but picked up where she left off the instant she pulled onto a plowed boulevard. “We Skyped with Wendy last week. She told us to keep at it, that you’d wear down eventually.”

/>   Bea sighed heavily. “I should have known. Don’t you guys have better things to talk about?” Kit and Marta were among the few friends who knew the truth about Wendy, but that didn’t mean she wanted them in her business.

  “When was the last time you got laid?”

  “Now there’s a pervy question if I ever heard one.”

  “Can’t remember, huh?”

  “Actually I can, but I’d forget it if I could. It was after Belinda’s wedding last fall when I went back to the hotel with that woman from Spokane. Kirstie something or other.”

  “The one with the long red fingernails? I bet that was interesting.”

  Bea shook her head at the memory. “I meant that about you being a pervert, you know. Those fingernails weren’t even the worst part. It just felt weird being with somebody I hardly knew, like we were both actors putting on a performance. None of it was real.”

  “Sex doesn’t always have to be real. Sometimes it’s just fun.”

  “I know, but not that time.”

  As they turned onto her street, Kit said, “Lucky for you, I’m out of ideas for now but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying. You’re too good a catch to stay single. I suppose we can try to be more discerning about which lonely lesbians to throw at you.”

  “That’s so big of you.”

  “Smartass.”

  When they stopped at the curb in front of her house, the curtains parted in the living room, framing Dexter’s silhouette in the picture window.

  “Just look at that and tell me why I’d want to come home to anything else.”

  “You got me there. See you tomorrow.”

  By the time Bea walked through the front door, Dexter was on his usual tear through the house, racing in a circle from the living room to the kitchen to the hall and back.

  “Did you miss me?”

  He paused long enough to lick her hands and face before his excitement got the best of him and he dashed off to run his circuit in reverse. The mayhem ended with him whimpering at the back door, begging to be let out to the fenced-in backyard.